Summary: The narrator found she was cheated by
Alex because he had relationships with several women at the same time. The
narrator and another three women who was cheated decided to kill Alex. They
found Alec and discussed how to kill Alec with Alec. Finally, they decided to do a manhunt. When
they were found them, Alec was flirting with Marlena. Caroline explained the
situation to Marlena. Then they four decided strangulation in swamp. Alec dug a
grave for himself. Women were watching.
What is working:
1. The story
is new and creative.
2. The
characters of the narrator and Alec have some interesting but also confusing
contradictions
What needs
to be fixed:
1. The ending
is not good. You’d better continue the story and maybe make some of doubtful
points clear.
2. I do not
know the function of setting a character named Anje in this story. Maybe you
have your own reason, i think it would be better if you tell us why or just
give us a little bit clues.
3. I mentioned above some characters’ behaviors
are not logical, which i accept them and admit them work sometimes. For
example, the aim of women was to kill Alec because he cheated them. It was because
they hated Alec very much so that they decided to kill him. However, women were
caring of he would feel painful and still thought he was lovely. I think you’d
better give us some reasons. We all know that it is good to leave readers some
questions and make them to think. But your problem is that you leave toooo much
questions to readers which make readers totally confused.
4. A good
story is supposed to have a theme or convey an idea. I cannot figure it out in
your story. Please think it carefully what you really want to express.
